Some Warrior Moms will have no clue that they are about to become one. It can change in an instant - with the birth of a baby, an accident, a sickness, a situation they weren't expecting. This is the category I fall into. And you better believe that at the beginning of this I absolutely did not feel prepared or equipped to "run this marathon". One of my daughter's doctors told me at our first gastrointestinal appointment that Wimberley's journey would be a marathon, not a sprint. At first, my response to that (in my head, of course) was "Says the doctor cheering her on from the sidelines when I have no clue what to do". My response to that now is different, more seasoned, more mature. Because I am in that marathon. Some miles look the same as previous ones we have encountered and I feel a little more equipped to handle them. Others are new and I have to start from square one, but having been on this marathon for a year now, I feel more equipped to handle it. I also need to say that the doctor who shared this with me is by far one of God's gifts to me through this journey. How I ended up with him is incredibly miraculous and he has literally helped me in more ways than he will ever know along with helping Wimberley. But my point is, I've learned some key things I need during this journey, or during this marathon.
1. Community - Support from friends and family has been essential for our family. We feel blessed to have been surrounded by people to offer help and prayers along the way. My mom has helped in so many ways. When we came home from the hospital this past summer with an NGT, my mom would come over every day and help with household chores so I could focus on Wimberley and give time to my son (who had just turned two) who had a hard time with me being in the hospital with his sister for three weeks. I had friends purchase gift cards for us to help with gas or food during our hospital stay which was a huge blessing. I had a friend organize meals for us during that time and a dear friend who visited us several times. One of my friends went with me to many tests they had to run on Wimberley when Reid couldn't be there. It was so nice to not be alone. Leaders in our church visited and checked in on us. My sister and dad kept my son so my husband could still work. It was a group effort. I am so thankful for these relationships. Some people gave us time or help without asking and others asked what we needed. And I had to say we needed help. I was at my monthly IF table gathering recently and we were discussing how hard it is to ask for help sometimes. I find this to be true in many ways. But if you are in a position where you need help and you don't have a strong community around you or your community doesn't know how to help, tell them how. People want to help. It makes us as humans feel good when we can help others so helping usually is a gift on both sides. There are many verses about serving or helping others but my favorite is Matthew 5:16, "In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in Heaven."
2. Empathy - I used to use the words empathy and sympathy interchangeably. But there is a really big difference between the two. Sympathy is caring and understanding the suffering of others. Empathy goes beyond that in its emotional scope. Empathy is the ability to experience the feelings of others. In other words, walking through it with them because they too have experienced it. Sympathy is expressed whole empathy is shared. Empathy allows for the opportunity to build a deeper connection because of a shared experience. The closer we are to someone the easier it is to try and or yourself in their shoes. My husband lost his father a year ago and because I love him I can try to empathize and imagine what it is like to have experienced that. But at the end of the day, it is hard for me to truly understand the pain he feels because my father is still here. Being a Warrior Mom can feel lonely at times even if you have a ton of community supporting you. Having someone who can empathize with you is so important. Sometimes it is hard to find this. Social media allows for connections to be made more easily with online forums or support groups. I was lucky in this area. After my daughter had surgery to place her G-button, my sweet neighbor mentioned to me that there was another mom in the neighborhood whose son had the same thing. And she connected us. Meeting Ashley felt like a gift from God. We moved into our neighborhood after a previous building deal fell through and it literally felt like we were placed here for a reason. Ashley's son has a G-button for different reasons but the fact that we are tubie moms is there. It is a breath of fresh air to walk beside her in this journey, to share highs and lows that she has experienced. Finding someone who can offer empathy is so important. Seek it out if you don't have it.
3. Me Time - This is SO important in my life to help me keep sane. Before having my babies, I was a special education teacher and I loved it. Once I had my son I had the amazing opportunity to stay home with him after finishing out my last year in the classroom. Then I had the amazing opportunity to be in the classroom in a different capacity part-time. I loved having the balance because working is something I do enjoy. When I had Wimberley, me working part-time was not an option. She needed me home full-time. We are lucky that we could make that work even though it wasn't ideal. It was needed for her. But the myriad of doctor appointments, therapy schedules and effort to try and get her to eat would leave me drained at the end of the day. I wasn't the best me and it was hard to feel like I failed at being a good mother and a good wife. My husband and I agreed to help fix that. He had softball once a week and didn't always get the chance to come home after work. So we created a night for me to have "off". Sometimes I go run errands or go to the gym or sometimes I meet a friend for dinner or a movie. It helps me to recharge and to be a better me the rest of the time. The other thing I did to create time for me is to wake up early early to go to the gym. I meet a friend or two there and we work out together and this is huge for me! I am able to dedicate that time for me and get girlfriend time in too. Finding how to make this work for you and your family will benefit everyone greatly.
4. Faith - I can't say enough about this. Knowing my daughter is mine for a divine reason and knowing that she is a daughter of God and in his hands is a comfort and a blessing. This doesn't mean that it is always rosy and always perfect, but it does mean that it doesn't matter. At the end of the day, I will be given enough. Enough to get through that day or peace over her life. It doesn't mean that everything will go as I want or as I would plan but it does mean that we are loved and that knowing Jesus is enough. His plan is just and understanding it is not my job, but trusting it is. But I want to be transparent, there are moments when I cry out to the Lord in pain and frustration; there are moments when I feel guilty to have been consumed with my problems when others out there are so much worse; there are moments when I am so overcome with the goodness of his love for me that I cry holding my sweet girl. The reality is that I am not perfect in this area. I am weak yet He is strong. There are so many things I could be better at, but I am trying to grow myself in His image. And that is enough.
5. This leads me to Grace - I have to have grace for myself. God's grace is great and because of that, I am called to give grace unto others as well as myself. Grace derives from the Greek word charis which signifies favor, goodwill and loving kindness. Grace appears about 150 times in the New Testament. I am going to stumble, I am going to fall, I am going to question decisions I have made, I am going to agonize over decisions to make. And I am going to feel like an inadequate mother pretty much daily. Grace allows me to forgive myself and give myself room to make mistakes. Being given grace by others was also such a special thing to experience. There were times we had to cancel plans last minute or we couldn't attend birthday events or friend get-togethers because it was hard with Wimberley. We did not leave her with anyone and were exhausted from her daily care much of the time. That grace was a lifesaver. Knowing we would still have friends when we came up to breathe from such a tough season of life for us. Our families showed grace by getting together around our schedules and requiring little of us when we did. We should show grace to others around us because that is what we are called to do. But give those Warrior Moms, just a little bit extra. It makes a world of difference.
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